Anonymity

I used to think that I liked anonymity because of the protection it gave, the shield against the dangerous and uncertain world. We've often heard how it is dangerous to reveal yourself in public; and this principle has been illustrated time and again by horror stories of people who have suffered humiliation and harassment when their pictures some how found their way into the hands of criminals looking for a cover to hide under. I always been taught that the internet isn't always as safe as it may seem to be and that "it's better to be safe than sorry" and err on the side of caution.

I always reasoned my preference for anonymity away with that notion; but the disturbing truth runs much deeper than that.

Have you ever met the type of person who seems really forward and friendly at first; but as you get to know them, they begin to withdraw into themselves and eventually close off from you almost entirely? The one you thought you knew so well, then all of a sudden seemed to be a different person entirely? Well, I am that person. I don't exactly understand why I do it and it takes brutal honesty to admit this to myself because it is a fact that grieves me greatly.

I was a shy kid in my younger days. At that time, i'd always like it if someone else initiated conversation, never taking the first step to voice my opinions. Gradually, when I became older, I also realised that this shyness had developed, and grown into something so beastly that almost resembled coyness or playing hard-to-get. I had become afraid of giving myself willingly and wholeheartedly. Afraid of Devotion. Was it because I feared rejection? Did I think so highly of myself- so desirable as to be able to chose among the attentions of many, which one I would repay? Was I really that kind of egoistical psychopath?? Maybe. But then, maybe not.
A couple of years ago, I had a friend who was the dearest and closest best friend one could ever have. It was the kind of friendship that just happened. Not planned, not anticipated. Not even considered. She was my desk partner and on the first day of school, we didn't even speak one word to each other. That was how awkward the situation was; or maybe a prelude to how well we'd get along because of our similar characters. Both quiet and not the best with self-introductions. But when we did start talking, (the girl in front of us turned around on the second day to borrow an eraser and thus began a conversation, including us both) it was like we had known each other for a really long time. There was an instant "click" where our temperaments aligned and we become inseparable.