A walk in the snow (A really late post)

Hello! Just a random thought that's been floating around in my head for a while now. I am very happily single and really, if I'm completely honest with myself, totally not ready for any form of romantic relationship right now. Haha how apt that this post should come the week of Valentine's Day, but really, it's not an i-am-in-denial-and -a-sour-plum kind of post.

I read something lately, it was an online article linked on my Facebook timeline by a friend of mine. You may have read it (these things have a way of getting around the world so very quickly), it was entitled "You Should Fall in Love With Someone Who Inspires You". The writer talked about how she did not mind if her significant other doesn't have proper education or isn't entirely sure about the direction his life will take, but what mattered most was that he had passion for things he enjoyed doing and his ability to bring out the best in her. This got me thinking because all along, try as I might, I'd still somehow fallen victim to my own romanticised idea of what my man would be like, my future partner. Well of course,  I would tell myself, these are just preferences, and I'll make exceptions when the time comes. But then I grew up, went to a co-ed school and realised that this may be harder than I thought. I'm not sure who even reads this blog or if it's just an archive of my own thoughts, for myself, but my very first post was about this subject too. And since then, the whole episode, saga of drama, made me question myself a lot. Among other things, one striking question was really, how far am I willing to compromise just for that warm fussy feeling?

A few years back, I prayed about my future. Well, more specifically, my future husband (somehow I know I'll get married. Somehow. haha). And at that age I was always wondering: who is it going to be? have I already met that person? where will it be? what will it be like? what will I be like? How will I know if God approves?
And so I prayed one night, cuddled up in my bed, that God will prepare someone for me who will exactly complement me in every way. Someone who isn't perfect, but will share a perfect love with me, founded on a love for God. I prayed that God will tell me who it is when I first meet that person, and send a sign. And me being young and innocent, prayed for perhaps the most romantic yet totally crazy sign in the world: snow. Okay it may not be the craziest thing out there but here are a few reasons why it will be quite difficult for me to meet someone under falling snow:
1) I live in a tropical country near the equator. Some people say the day it snows here, is the day the world will end. Which is rather sad really, if you think about it. I mean, meeting the person, that very person that God has prepared you for and prepared for you just before an apocalypse.. But hey, better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, right? Hahahaha
2)  I've never seen snow in my life, and probably never unless I migrate to a temperate country (which is my desperate wish) but maybe still a very long way off. This may be a good thing, (or bad depending on how you look at it) because it means that it's probably not anyone I know, which saves me a lot of heartache and headache. But it does seem a little troubling. Now that I'm thinking about it, imagine the crazy things that could happen when I actually see snow. I might stand out there and freeze to death. staring at every strange man that walks past, or every stranger really, since I'll probably have no way of  seeing under all that thick padding and winter-wear.

This may sound childish and a little silly, but in my childish faith I still believe it will be true.



Until then, I'd really be much better off with soppy Hallmark movies and Nicholas Sparks' novels. :)

Holidays and stuff

My term holidays are coming to a close soon. I have to say that this was probably one of the most eventful breaks I've had since I started Poly life.
Over the past four weeks I've been running to and from school non-stop for trip preparations, camps, and project meetings. It's funny to think back and realise that just a year ago, I was the freshman to which all these preparations were directed at; entering the school for the very first time completely lost and a little apprehensive of what the future might bring, the life I was to lead in this new institution.
Looking back over the past weeks and further back on the year leading up to it, I am amazed at how much I've changed; both for the better and some for the worse. I am not perfect, and imperfect people can only strive for perfection but will never truly attain it on their own merit. I admit that I haven't been entirely faithful in my commitment to God whether through my actions, words or thoughts. It has not been an easy journey but I'm really thankful that the Lord placed me where I am today. Still learning, still growing, still trying to improve. But like what my sister always told me, "Nothing worth having comes easy". I'll continue to strive and do better not because other people tell me to, or because I want to beat the rest and be the best, or not even for any form of recognition. But my challenge to myself is to truly and wholeheartedly seek to please God. And in doing so, if I happen to find happiness on the way, then YAY ME :) But really, true contentment is a gift so great and satisfying it is a gift that the world cannot give.

A place to start

Haaa It's been forever since i've written anything, anywhere. I used to keep a journal, which detailed the daily happenings in my not-so-happening life. I think i had the tendency to over-dramatise everything and really insert depressing commentary where it may not always have been needed. Well, I was an imaginative kid. And it was fun!

I think the one sad thing about growing up older I should say, is that we are so caught up in life and our never-ending commitments that we cut back on the time spent on the things we used to do as kids. Things that we enjoyed, that made us happy and that really made us who we are. We may not realise it, but those things are probably the most important and it's such a waste how people abandon their originality and creativity just to "succeed" in life, according to what the world's standards of success.

That is me too. I am a person living in this world, but I'm trying not to be OF this world. Because, you have to agree with me, that this is one messed-up world. It's probably the furthest thing away from perfect and so am I. So a sinner in a sinful world doesn't help matters at all. Nope, math doesn't solve all problems, and in this case, two wrongs don't make a right.

That's why I feel it's so important to stay grounded and remain rooted to what keeps you, you. It's so easy, especially now in this overly-connected world, to be pushed and pulled and persuaded. And with so many signals from so many different directions, it's sometimes really hard to make out the lines that mark the boundaries.

I'm very thankful for other people in my life. In this life. I'm such a hopeless introvert and it's really quite sad because sometimes I feel like I'll never find a true friend. Like I almost always have to pretend just to feel loved and to do something/ please someone in order to be accepted. That no one will really appreciate me or like me for who I am as an individual and as a person. WELL, that's not the case. Nope, nope nope. Because I am a Christian, I know otherwise. And I also know that most of these depressing thoughts (that tend to hit me in my darkest hour) aren't from me or from God at all. I am also thankful that there are other people in this world. People who will probably never know of my existence but who help me get through life and fill it with much joy and laughter. I enjoy reading/ watching their work and gaining insights from their wisdom. It's really refreshing to have different perspective once in a while and to pop your head outside of the bubble of pitiful thoughts that always seems to be what I'm stuck in lately.

As life comes at me with its full force in the days to come, I'm thankful and glad that I have an outlet for it. Whether it be conversations with friends or family, scribbling it down in a notebook somewhere, or blogging I hope that I can catalogue more of my life as it happens.